Christmas 2012
So, whenever you have a court ordered schedule of visitation for children, both parents are expected to follow the times specifically and as closely as possible. (Hence the reason for the court order in the first place).
My schedule dictates I have the kids from 8 am to 8 pm on Christmas. The exchanges can take place anywhere. I have been paying a place called Hannah's House for supervised exchanges up until this point because they document everything and it's the only way to ensure my ex follows the schedule.
Unfortunately, Hannah's House is only open 9 am to 1 pm on Christmas. I agreed to lose an hour so we could use Hannah's House in the morning exchange (it's only an hour). But 1 pm to 8 pm is a 7 hour cut of my time, that's more than half the day! Plus it means I don't even get Christmas dinner with the kids. So naturally, I said we'd have to find another place to exchange the kids.
My ex, however, seeing an opportunity to cause drama, said she just "didn't feel safe" exchanging them anywhere but Hannah's House. Keep in mind, whenever she made plans on her own time, she would try and proposition me to watch the kids for her and would offer any old place for the swap - YMCA or police station parking lots, etc. Really, she just wanted a free babysitter. But now, all of a sudden, she doesn't feel safe with either of those places. Because we all know how dangerous a police station parking lot can be.
At any rate, she's clearly trying to make me contact her out of anger. I've cut off all communication (per the restraining order that SHE filed). Now she's just looking to find any way to get me to contact her that she can. She's thinking that by denying me over half my legally-entitled time (knowing that she will pay NO consequences for the act) that I will be upset. She's counting on me ranting at her for it.
But I decided to listen to Dani and not give her the satisfaction. Sure, the kids will lose half their Christmas and that sucks. Sure, I have to spend even more money on the supervised exchanges, money that won't go to Christmas presents or even bills or food now. But you can't be responsible for your ex's decisions. You can't stop the things they will do. It sucks that the children get punished for their madness, but if you let them ensnare you in their tangled web, your life will be too ruined to help the kids at all. You have to stop yourself and just deal with the time that is given you.
That might sound cliche, but it's the truth. It's not a sin to live your life. Whenever your children can be a part of it, include them and teach them and love them. Create traditions for just you and the kids. But don't play by your ex's rules. Your ex will force you (if as petty as mine is) to make sacrifices. It hurts, but make the sacrifice. Her/his victory is shallow. And in the end, the kids will know who stood true. Teach them by example, not to let another bitter person control their life by dragging them endlessly into petty drama. Live your life.
